The Campaign So Far – Democratic Convention Edition

The Democrats arrived in Charlotte and immediately made sure there was no reference to God in the party platform. God had been included in Democratic platforms past going back at least to when God himself was in middle school. Further, the platform didn’t acknowledge that Jerusalem is the capital of Israel. (They thought the capital was Boca Raton.)

Massachusetts Democratic Party Chair (another Democratic empty chair?) kicked off the convention by referring to Senator Scott Brown as an “honorary girl” for folding laundry. Good thing there are no sexists in the Democratic Party. Rahm Emmanuel gave the keynote speech in an arena full of teachers union members. It’s the biggest contingent of teachers union members he would see until he got back to Chicago and walked by a picket line.

Thanks to Michelle Obama we learned she loves Barack Obama more now than she did four years ago.  That makes two Americans who feel that way – the other being Barack Obama.

Democratic officials spent much time off stage comparing Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan and other assorted Republicans to Nazis.  In fact, when speaking of various Republicans, there were more Nazi references uttered during the Charlotte convention than were heard at the Nuremberg Trials.

Day two included a belated attempt to add both God and Jerusalem to the platform.  After three attempts at a voice vote, with at least as many “nays” as “ayes”, they finally invoked Democratic math and declared the necessary two-thirds vote to approve the platform amendments.  Given the crowd, God wasn’t expecting a landslide win (he had printed no signs), but wasn’t really prepared to eek by in a Chicago-style vote count.

We learned that Sandra Fluke (rhymes with, well, an act that might include contraception) has finally graduated from law school. No word yet on if she actually has a job – this is, after all, the Obama economy.  I’m not exactly sure what she said in her speech, except that she still wants free stuff and Republicans want women to die.  It gave me a reason to watch the Giants-Cowboys game.

In a nod to the Native American population, Massachusetts Senate candidate, Elizabeth Warren, spoke Wednesday night.  She complained that the system is rigged – like when a woman who might be, could be, probably isn’t 1/32,768 (the fraction seems to get smaller by the week) Cherokee claiming to be minority professor – and getting away with it. Rigged indeed! Unlike earlier in her campaign when it was discovered that she had contributed a plagiarized recipe to the Native American cook book called (honest, I’m not kidding) Pow Wow Chow, she offered up her very own burger recipe. In an effort to provide a public service, we have printed it here:

• 2 All Beef Patties
• Special Sauce
• Lettuce
• Cheese
• Pickles
• Onions
• Sesame Seed Bun

Former President Bill Clinton gave the nominating speech for Barack Obama.  Clinton certainly knows how to speak. He just doesn’t know how to stop.  In fact, he may still be talking.  It did give me another reason to watch the football game.  I’m not positive, but I thought I heard him mumble “Hillary 2016” more than once.

We did see at least one woman with a large button that said “Sluts Vote.” Besides the obvious truth in advertising (rare for a Democratic convention), the easy retort is – of course they do.  How do you think Bill Clinton got elected?

And a lady with purple hair presided over the state delegate count.

Joe Biden took the stage on Thursday and announced that he started out in Scranton, PA. Who knew?  He also reminded Americans how he and Barack were literally best buds and how during meetings discussing the auto bailouts he often thought about his dad and Scranton and Amtrak and those interesting designs in the oval office carpet. (Apparently, Joe’s mind wanders a lot in meetings.)  And he literally said the word “literally” 84 times during the speech. Literally!

Barack Obama wrapped up the convention with a rousing speech that offered loads of platitudes, but few specifics. He had, the experts agreed, great cadence, but so do most high school cheer lines.  His $800 billion stimulus somehow didn’t make it into the speech and scant mention was made of the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare).  He chastised the Republican ticket for its lack of foreign policy experience.  This despite Obama having bowed to so many foreign leaders it made my back hurt.  And let’s not forget how much he pleased the Poles with his “Polish death camps” remark.

Obama did state that his “plan” would reduce the debt by $4 trillion. Huh? I’m still waiting for the planet to heal and won’t be holding my breath for the Obama debt reduction.  And don’t expect much help from the “non-partisan fact-checkers.”  This was the Democratic convention, after all, so they spent the week on a cruise to Belize.

Oh, and the Democrats had no balloons.  But they did have lots and lots of confetti, which I believe came from shredding a single copy of the Dodd-Frank bill.

The question often asked of Democrats during their convention was “Are you better off now than you were four years ago?” When they weren’t being evasive, many Democrats simply struggled to answer the question as if it were a calculus equation. For me, the answer is an unequivocal “No” – the government owns a car company, we no longer own our healthcare and Steve Nash now plays for the Lakers.

Curtice Mang is the author of the new book, The Constitution – I’m Not Kidding and Other Tales of Liberal Folly. He can be contacted at www.mangwrites.com, where one can also purchase his book; or contact Curtice at mangwrites at cox.net.