Views on Current News

Believing that the Sochi Olympic Games are not quite over, Russia is hoping for a gold medal in the Invasion of Another Country event.  Given the current occupant of the White House, Russia believes it faces stiffer competition in the event from Lichtenstein than the United States.

President Obama has warned that there will be “costs” for Russia sending troops into Crimea.   The costs under consideration by the Obama administration include a United States boycott of the Sochi games.  When told that the Winter Olympics had already ended, Obama was heard to say, “Well, can we at least keep our speed skaters home?  They aren’t any good anyway.”

But, the upcoming G-8 Summit will be in Sochi and some are suggesting that Obama not attend as a sign of protest.  “But I have to go,” Obama said.  “Putin promised that Francois Hollande and I could try out the two-man bobsled.

Speaking about the unrest in Ukraine, Secretary of State John Kerry said, “This isn’t Rocky IV.”  What’s with another movie reference?  I don’t even know what he meant by that.  It isn’t The Big Lebowski or Toy Story either, which makes just as much sense.

Ukranian fugitive president, Viktor Yanukovich, skipped out of Kiev unnoticed.  He was able to escape in part because of the COEXIST bumper sticker on his car.

Russia’s State Controlled television network, Channel One, cancelled its planned live broadcast of the Academy Awards once it learned that other people and not Vladimir Putin were nominated for all of the awards.

It turns out the number of Academy Awards won by the movie Gravity matches total number of successful enrollees in the Covered California healthcare exchange.

The University of Iowa has been awarded a federal grant from the National Science Foundation to study how people cross the road.  Specifically, the university will create a simulation facility with the $356,337 grant (they couldn’t round to $356,340?) to study influences on risky walking or cycling behavior when crossing a traffic filled road.

Next, the university will study the hypothesis about why the chicken crossed the road.  New theories on the subject abound.

During a recent visit to Scottsdale, Arizona, Vice President Joe Biden tried convincing a young woman to sign up for Obamacare. It turns out she was Canadian.  It’s not like being a citizen actually, you know, matters or anything.  Following the sales pitch from the vice president, the young woman was heard to comment, “He seemed almost life-like.”

Piers Morgan’s low rated CNN show has been cancelled.  Yet, Morgan announced he will remain at CNN to do shows where he will interview big names.  By big, he means long names.  We look forward to his interview with Phillip Keihanukauakahihuliherrekahaunkele. (Whoa, that looks like an eye chart!)

Harry Reid announced that those who lost their insurance after Obama promised they could keep it, lost their doctors after Obama promised they could keep them, and are paying higher premiums when Obama said they would be lower are all liars.  The Democrats have thereby declared that reality is, in fact, not real.

According to the executive director of the American College of Veterinary Behaviorists, dogs feel no shame.  It turns out veterinary behaviorists feel no shame either, although they almost always chase the ball when you throw it and most are capable of being house trained.

Curtice Mang is the author of the two books, including the new book, The Smell of Politics: The Good, The Bad, and the Odorous. He can be contacted at www.mangwrites.com, where one can also purchase his books; or contact Curtice at mangwrites at cox.net.