ISIS is not just for the religious anymore
According to CNSNews, Secretary of State John Kerry said recently that religion does not necessarily play a role in turning some Muslims into radical Islamic terrorists. This makes sense since President Obama claims that ISIS is not Islamic. This despite the fact that the first “I†in ISIS stands for Islamic. But never mind.
Instead, Kerry said, more pertinent factors are political repression and denial of rights, as well as “regular meals [and] companionship.â€
Kerry added, “You don’t even have to be religious.†To back that up, Kerry referred to a reported case of two British men who went to join ISIS in 2014 with the books Islam for Dummies and The Koran for Dummies in tow.
To further make his point, Kerry stated “Daesh recruiting videos include a religious narrative, but also point to an idyllic picture of Daesh families having picnics and going to amusement parks.â€
First, I sure hope somebody captured those two British guys as the State Department would really like to get its books back.
Second, Kerry seems to be the only person in the world that refers to ISIS as Daesh. Just like Barack Obama is the only person to call it ISIL. I believe they think it makes them sound smart and maybe it would as long as nobody hears any of the rest of the incoherent blather they say about ISIS.
But suppose that what Kerry says is correct (I know it takes a suspension of reality – like our official policy on terrorism – but just play along for a moment). Suppose that religion has as much to do with the radicalization of Muslims as eating sushi does with playing shortstop in the Major Leagues. The recruiting ad might appear something like this:
ISIS is now hiring!Are you tired of not getting paid what you’re worth? Are you tired of sitting behind a desk? Are you tired of not having a job that is really satisfying? Are you tired of eating only two meals a day – and no dessert?
Have you had it with political repression and your rights being denied? Don’t you want to be the one to deny others their rights and repress their political beliefs? And by denying other people’s rights, we mean KILL THEM!
Do you hate Western civilization? Are you good with a machete? If so, come take a look at ISIS. We offer a competitive salary and benefits package, including:
Flexible work schedules
401k – Employer will match up to 6%
Excellent Health Care Benefits – Low deductibles and (in certain plans only) a Health Savings Account option.
Generous Dental Coverage
Short Term Disability
Long Term Disability (Not available for all positions, such as suicide bombers)
Three Weeks Paid Vacation
Profit sharing after 90 Days (May not be applicable for successful suicide bombers)
Relocation Expenses Paid
Casual Fridays
Companionship (If you catch our drift…)
Multiple identities available
Team Building activities, like a trip to the Jihad World theme park. The Surface to Air Missile ride is not to be missed!
Exciting short and long term career paths options
While we can’t guarantee it, many ISIS associates have gone on to appear on major international news networks, such as CNN and Fox News. (Posthumously, of course.)
As an added bonus, the countries of Europe and the United States will either pretend you don’t exist or make excuses for you when blow things up and kill people. They will apologize for provoking you.
Come join ISIS and see the world! Apply online at www.isis_jihadcareers.com.
Who could not resist such a sales pitch? Possibly, not even John Kerry.
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