(Re)Branded

Just in case you haven’t heard, the rollout of the Affordable Care Act, aka Obamacare, has set new standards for government ineptitude. A website that works about as often (and as well) as my brother-in-law, insurance companies forced to drop customers faster than the Food Network dumped Paula Deen, and presidential guaranties as worthless as, well, presidential guaranties. All of this adds up to President Obama’s approval ratings nose diving to an all-time low of 37%. Further, only 7% of Americans believe the Affordable Care Act is working well and requires no changes. For perspective, that is less than the 9% of Americans who believe Milli Vanilli should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Fortunately, President Obama has a solution: rebranding. It’s not that the whole Obamacare thing is a bad idea that was implemented poorly. Rather, it just requires some marketing tweaks. So, in the interest of providing a public service, we offer some marketing ideas for consideration.

1. Sponsor the Pro Bowlers Association, including arm patches for all bowlers. The marketing pitch: “Bowling is cheap and so is the Affordable Care Act.” Okay, well, bowling is cheap.
2. Draw a red line over Obamacare. Soon, like the Syrian red line, it will simply vanish. The Democrats will then hope that the Obamacare controversy will disappear from the news as quickly as Syria did.
3. Add fins. Clearly what’s missing from Obamacare is that it lacks tail fins. Once tail fins are added, it’s bound to be a huge success.
4. Change the name. No longer will proponents of Obamacare refer to it as such. Henceforth, it will be referred to as That Who’s Name We Dare Not Speak.
5. Include freebies to encourage Americans to enroll through the Obamacare website in order to make the excruciatingly painful and expensive process seem worth it. Each enrollee will receive a Chia Pet. (Biden’s idea, of course.)
6. Obamacare – The Game Show: Hosted by Rosie O’Donnell, the show will have contestants guess their new deductibles. The winner will be the one who comes closest to their actual deductible without going over. Given how high everyone’s new deductibles will be under Obamacare, no one will over-estimate. The show will air intermittently and, like many health insurance policies, be cancelled.
7. Obamacare – The Musical: This has tremendous potential, if done correctly. We envision a lavish Busby Berkely-type production, starring Bette Midler as Sandra Fluke. The show would feature Ms. Midler and forty of her closest dancing partners on stage with a Nevada SAK N SAVE store as the backdrop, singing the epic final number, Freedom Isn’t Free, But Contraceptives Are.

Given the current state of Obamacare, Obama himself, and the Democrats up for re-election in 2014, any and all of these suggestions will no doubt be taken seriously as rebranding efforts. And to the Obama administration, allow us to say that if you like your rebranding, you can keep…

Curtice Mang is the author of the two books, including the new book, The Smell of Politics: The Good, The Bad, and the Odorous. He can be contacted at www.mangwrites.com, where one can also purchase his books; or contact Curtice at mangwrites at cox.net.