The Campaign So Far – Republican Convention Edition

Prior to the start of the Republican convention, Barack Obama held a fundraiser that included several current and former NBA players. Obama commented during the fundraiser that he wasn’t used to being the fifth or sixth most interesting person in the room. His implication was that he is usually the most interesting person in the room. Look, even when he and Mrs. Obama have tucked themselves in for the night in their White House bedroom, I’m not sure that even then he is the most interesting person in the room.

Also prior to the convention, Joe Biden cancelled a trip to Tampa that would have coincided with the Republican convention. Purportedly, the cancellation was due to the impending arrival of Hurricane Isaac. More than likely, it was because he belatedly discovered that it was the Republican convention. The Obama campaign hadn’t actually informed Biden of the dates and location of the Democratic convention, hoping he would not show up. I think David Axelrod may have had to clue poor old Joe in.

Axelrod: Joe, it might not be a good idea to show up at the Republican convention.

Biden: I was going to say “put y’all back in chains” again. I’ve been practicing. I think I can do it better.

Axelrod: I liked it as much as the next guy, but I think we’ll put that one on the back burner for a while. We’re going to go back to calling Romney a felon.

Biden: Okay, I can do that. I’ll practice on the plane.

Axelrod: Joe, you’re not going to Tampa.

Biden: Oh. I’ll see you in Charlotte for the Democratic convention then.

Axelrod: Joe, that might not be a good idea either.

Republicans arrived in Tampa only to discover that a hurricane was approaching. Whatever made them select Tampa as the host city for the 2012 convention – in the middle of hurricane season – is anyone’s guess. It might reflect on the judgment and wisdom of the Republican Party. The effects of the decision were felt immediately as the Republicans cancelled nearly all of the first day’s activities due to Hurricane Isaac. Not that that was a big deal since the first day of a convention is usually as interesting and meaningful as the first pre-season football game of the year. Nevertheless, should Romney win, he will not be allowed to appoint a hurricane czar.

Hurricane Isaac made landfall on Monday, dumping buckets of rain on New Orleans and other parts of Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama. ABC’s Brian Ross reported that he found there were two people named Isaac listed as members of the Baton Rouge Tea Party. Ross was not implying it was the same Isaac or insinuating a Tea Party connection, but…

The convention kicked off Tuesday with Ann Romney and New Jersey governor Chris Christie taking center stage. Mrs. Romney chose to walk out instead of riding her horse. Good move, I think. She shared anecdotes that provided evidence that Mitt Romney was a good husband and father and that he never even once lunched on any of their household pets. Chris Christie followed but was something less than in full attack dog mode. This disappointed some Republicans, but not me. There are times when I think I’d like to be Chris Christie when I grow up. (Well, a third of him, anyway.) He is a You Tube star. But then I remember that he has to run New Jersey.

Condoleeza Rice gave a highly effective speech on Wednesday. Commentators on MSNBC were shocked (shocked!) to discover that Rice was not a sixty year-old white male. (After all, every Republican is a sixty year-old white male, right?) Nonetheless, they were sure she was racist, particularly when she began her speech with, “Good evening.” Clearly, nothing but racist code.

Paul Ryan’s youth, energy and words wooed the Republican faithful. When asked afterwards how long his speech was, he thought it was under thirty minutes. Non-partisan fact-checkers, under headlines like “Republicans Are Lying Racist Pigs”, determined that the speech was actually thirty-six minutes in length. Scandal erupts.

Yahoo News fired its Washington Bureau Chief, David Chalain, after he commented over a hot mike during the convention that Republicans “Are happy to have a party with black people drowning.” Apparently, when Hurricane Isaac made landfall, only black people got wet. The Democrats quickly added a plank to their upcoming convention platform calling for Americans of all races, religions and creeds to get soaked during all future hurricanes. (That would constitute a real soaking, not the metaphorical kind, like taxpayers have gotten under Obama’s green energy plan.)

The convention wrapped up on Thursday with Clint Eastwood talking to an empty chair. He stated, “We own this country.” I hope he’s still right. After the Obamacare Supreme Court ruling that said it was okay for the government to force us to buy a product, I wonder if we might have to give the keys to the country back. I’m not sure we own it anymore.

Mitt Romney’s acceptance speech was neither majestic, nor bombastic. Like Romney himself, it was competent and a bit bland. After four years of cool, we have learned that cool incompetence is really, really expensive. Five trillion dollars expensive! Besides, Romney is probably used to being the fifth or sixth most interesting person in the room. Heck, after his speech was over it was probably a stretch to put him in the top ten on the stage. I am all for bland and competent.

Oh, and there were balloons.

Curtice Mang is the author of the new book, The Constitution – I’m Not Kidding and Other Tales of Liberal Folly. He can be contacted at www.mangwrites.com, where one can also purchase his book; or contact Curtice at mangwrites at cox.net.